As I watch "Two and a Half Men" on TV, I start to laugh hysterically as I exclaim, "Ha ha! Alan is a divorced, annoying parasite that slowly destroys Charlie's soul! He's just like you, Phil!" At that moment, I turn to the empty seat beside me, and I cry a little inside. I miss my roommate.
I wake up early in the morning, and giggle as I run downstairs to turn off the hot water valve. I wait to hear Phil scream in the shower like he always does as he gets blasted by icy cold water, but the sound never comes. I miss my roommate.
I go to my fridge for some strawberry jam, and it's actually there. I pick up the carton of milk, and there's milk to spare. My jar of peanut butter doesn't have any toenail clippings inside. I miss my roommate.
My guest bathroom is clean. I can watch my own tv. The kleenex shortage is over. What will I bitch and complain about now? I had so many pranks left to play on Phil. It's the end of an era. At least he moved out before anybody died. 'Anybody' being him.
